Pre party
Getting ready for a night out that will eventually involve a warehouse dance club. Looking at myself in the mirror I think: "I look like a 34 year old single dad. Zero sex appeal." I take off my hat and look at my thinning hair and try to spice it up. A little gel and finger action should possibly do the trick. Suddenly don’t look like a trucker. The only other problem is that all the clothes i have are just wrong. The wool pullover sweater i'm wearing is Costco sheek. The T-shirt below it is pretty cool; unfortunately, several months of improper food consumption mean that it is a tad too easy for my belly to pop out. I throw on a stylish coat to cover it all up.
One hour til party.
I'm dreading every moment before meeting up with the party group. It is pouring rain and the nearest car2go is a mile away. I use a feature on the app called the radar to monitor an area in hopes that a car will become available. 30 min later a car2go shows u, 5 blocks will be ok.
Arriving at Blitz Ladds
Never been to the place. But low and behold, fucking Jerome Kersey, Terry Porter, and all these local Trail Blazers are recording a goddamn TV program. I sneak by. The bar is the longest, brightest place i've seen. Booths and TVs stretch for the distance. I wander having no idea where my clan is. I find ‘em at about the halfway mark. I greet everyone awkwardly and nervously, as i missed lunch and feel shaky. The pleasantries go well enough, and then i get around to some sitting. My attention is completely disrupting by the 30 plus screens filled with sports and Harry Potter. Eventually, a waitress is flagged down and she takes my order, totchos and a gin and tonic. She makes a comment that happens very often when i hand over my debit card, “how do you say your last name?” I of course reply: “Purkapile.” People are always unphased by how something that looks so exotic has such a lackluster pronunciation. She smiles to herself and walks away.
As I order the call comes in: 30 minutes til clubbing. I get my food scarf it down and put the half filled plate of leftovers in a napkin wrap. I jokingly tell everyone that come midnight they will thank me for the, “tots in my pocket, which have congealed to become burrito-like.”
Waiting in line at a dance club
The line stretches for a ways. We luckily skip like 10 people due to our friends. In the line we joke and converse. It comes up that my other friends also feel old. They look around and see lovely 22 year-olds in fantastic attire. We wait a bit longer. The waiting gives an opportunity to really talk to my friend who has been out of town for years. She lives in New York and recently graduated. She told me of the difficulties of living in the city. The cost of living is absurd. She can't casually grab a burrito, or a beer. The jobs she has found pay too little. She wants to get out but its complicated. Her boyfriend is also wading through the difficulties with low pay and opportunity. She talks about the difficulties of finding good jobs in Portland which would pay enough to cover her loans. What she tells me sucks, and brings a bunch of empathy from me. She she asks if I would be willing to move for opportunities, and i reply too quickly: “No. My family is here and I’d miss them too much. I would rather be making less here than more in another place.”
In da’ Club
We all get hit by the bass. It shatters our 30 year old bones. Just kidding. We all are finding the lights and the music difficult to handle. Eventually we saunter up to the bar, which is a life like version of Lord of the Flies. Its chaos, elbows hitting tits, asses bouncing off hips, drinks spilling down blouses. After the melee, drinks are in hand. We proceed to the back area of the large dimly lit warehouse. We find an awkward little bench suitable for 4 but which will serve a party of 8. We listen to the tunes, which are more like thumps and grunts, and our bodies start twitching. My head, elbows, and ass won’t stop moving. Mind you, I never actually get up. I’m table dancing.
Hours later
The liquor has done its due, and finally im up and shaking. The music took control. The end.
(got too tired to write anymore, sorry…)
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