It's been awhile... That is the short version of many stories to come. The last time I updated I was in the Midwest, and had been previously gallivanting round the Ilha Formosa. Now I'm back in my native land, the often gloomy Pacific Northwest. All I can say is that this blog will be taking an expanded role. It is no longer limited, but instead is the platform for Purk's ongoing perceptions.
In the intervening years between my journeys to Asia and meandering to the Midwest, I had many events and ups and downs. For the majority of the existence of this blog I was in a relationship with my soon to be ex-wife. I would consider these early years of our relationship some of the highs, but also previews of what would become the lows.
This is the first part of the story of my recent relationship. This is not meant to be a critique or an overtly positive recounting. This is just how my mind remembers things. Mostly, this is my experience and view, things that are beautiful and things that are not. I'm not going to write about the nitty or the gritty, but more about the mood and the feeling. I also think that some of these things that have happened to me are just life and know that others have similar experiences. I just hope by putting them to paper it creates an opportunity to relate.
And so it begins:
We originally set out to bridge the distance, I lived in Portland, she in Chicago. Ironically, bridging the distance involved both of us moving across the Pacific to a small-ish, diplomatically isolated, "renegade" province of China. Known as the Republic of China - officially, and Taiwan - unofficially; the country is a mountainous isle in a semi-tropical location in Asia. The majority of the population can generally be called Chinese. Yet, this does a disservice to the actual realities of the island. The island and is people and history are complex and important but are not essential to this entry.
My ex and I had met previously, back in college. She arrived for a conference and was the friend of my best friend's now wife. We got along, were attracted, and shared a moment. Fast forward a couple years later, and our friends are now getting married. I'd done the Facebook friend thing, keeping in contact occasionally but dismissing the possibility of anything serious due to the distance. She was someone alluring but not available.
Enter the wedding. I've known my best friend nearly my whole life. We went to grade, middle, and high school, and even a bit of college together. We've been co-workers and also best men. My friend's wedding was to be in the Chicago area, which meant I would see the one that had previously been an impossibility. I traveled with my friends, and for the most part we treated the time like a field trip, exploring the city of Chicago, going to the sites and various bars, walking next to the frozen Lake Michigan.
When I saw her again, I was confused. I was in her territory, a large city about which I knew nothing about in the dead of winter. We broke away from our friends and had time to reconnect. It was during this time that I decided to give the improbable a chance; I dove in and tried to seize love. The trip became a blur, the time flew. The experience of fresh love enlivened everything. We became paired up during the short stay. We went to parties in mixed crowds of my friends and hers. It all seemed so memorable and unique.
After having these fun times, something started to take over. It was a feeling of curiosity. I had always written off any possibility of a relationship due to numerous factors, distance and relative unfamiliarity being the predominant ones. Yet, I was feeling risky. All my brain said was "Take a Chance." I tried to ignore this as much as possible, but it remained.
The wedding came, it was amazing, the night was spent dancing and in sweet joy. We got together once again. At first, awkwardly putting on a front of disinterest. On my part, knowing that the clock was ticking and my time was running out before I would return home on the West coast. She knowing the same. But the energy was too much. We spent the rest of the night together and inseparable.
Later, in the wee hours of the morning, surrounded by the entire wedding and in the dark, we made a promise to one another. We would teach English in Taiwan together, that way we wouldn't have to move to the other's city. In this way we didn't have to compromise, we both got to do something we wanted, and do it together. It seemed to be the perfect solution to the unfamiliarity and the distance problem. I felt like there was something between us and wanted to see it through, even if that meant trying in a distant land.
Later days:
Hell, I even did the counseling thing, but oddly enough it was directed the wrong way. The counselor was asking why I didn't want to proceed with a wedding after my fiancee peaced out and came back a week later begging for me back. I was the issue to be dissected, but what really strikes me is that he never asked a single question why she had broken things off. It was like a tag team and me under a lamp being asked why I didn't want to get married after a very public and embarrassing break up that was 6 months before the wedding. Even worse, the things that had broken us apart: future of kids, location to live, and how you want to live your lives, were all easily swept aside with a simple, "I thought long and hard for one week and now I want to have all of those things with you because you are the best." Needless to say, the counseling was more directed at my doubts that we should be married.
So we got back together, lived in like 7 months of bliss, and then everything went right back to the original things that had pulled us apart. This all made me feel like she had been more interested in the production and saving of face rather than me. She has her thoughts, and they will never be clear to me, but that is that. We are divorced and my life is on a new track.
In the intervening years between my journeys to Asia and meandering to the Midwest, I had many events and ups and downs. For the majority of the existence of this blog I was in a relationship with my soon to be ex-wife. I would consider these early years of our relationship some of the highs, but also previews of what would become the lows.
This is the first part of the story of my recent relationship. This is not meant to be a critique or an overtly positive recounting. This is just how my mind remembers things. Mostly, this is my experience and view, things that are beautiful and things that are not. I'm not going to write about the nitty or the gritty, but more about the mood and the feeling. I also think that some of these things that have happened to me are just life and know that others have similar experiences. I just hope by putting them to paper it creates an opportunity to relate.
And so it begins:
We originally set out to bridge the distance, I lived in Portland, she in Chicago. Ironically, bridging the distance involved both of us moving across the Pacific to a small-ish, diplomatically isolated, "renegade" province of China. Known as the Republic of China - officially, and Taiwan - unofficially; the country is a mountainous isle in a semi-tropical location in Asia. The majority of the population can generally be called Chinese. Yet, this does a disservice to the actual realities of the island. The island and is people and history are complex and important but are not essential to this entry.
My ex and I had met previously, back in college. She arrived for a conference and was the friend of my best friend's now wife. We got along, were attracted, and shared a moment. Fast forward a couple years later, and our friends are now getting married. I'd done the Facebook friend thing, keeping in contact occasionally but dismissing the possibility of anything serious due to the distance. She was someone alluring but not available.
Enter the wedding. I've known my best friend nearly my whole life. We went to grade, middle, and high school, and even a bit of college together. We've been co-workers and also best men. My friend's wedding was to be in the Chicago area, which meant I would see the one that had previously been an impossibility. I traveled with my friends, and for the most part we treated the time like a field trip, exploring the city of Chicago, going to the sites and various bars, walking next to the frozen Lake Michigan.
When I saw her again, I was confused. I was in her territory, a large city about which I knew nothing about in the dead of winter. We broke away from our friends and had time to reconnect. It was during this time that I decided to give the improbable a chance; I dove in and tried to seize love. The trip became a blur, the time flew. The experience of fresh love enlivened everything. We became paired up during the short stay. We went to parties in mixed crowds of my friends and hers. It all seemed so memorable and unique.
After having these fun times, something started to take over. It was a feeling of curiosity. I had always written off any possibility of a relationship due to numerous factors, distance and relative unfamiliarity being the predominant ones. Yet, I was feeling risky. All my brain said was "Take a Chance." I tried to ignore this as much as possible, but it remained.
The wedding came, it was amazing, the night was spent dancing and in sweet joy. We got together once again. At first, awkwardly putting on a front of disinterest. On my part, knowing that the clock was ticking and my time was running out before I would return home on the West coast. She knowing the same. But the energy was too much. We spent the rest of the night together and inseparable.
Later, in the wee hours of the morning, surrounded by the entire wedding and in the dark, we made a promise to one another. We would teach English in Taiwan together, that way we wouldn't have to move to the other's city. In this way we didn't have to compromise, we both got to do something we wanted, and do it together. It seemed to be the perfect solution to the unfamiliarity and the distance problem. I felt like there was something between us and wanted to see it through, even if that meant trying in a distant land.
Later days:
Hell, I even did the counseling thing, but oddly enough it was directed the wrong way. The counselor was asking why I didn't want to proceed with a wedding after my fiancee peaced out and came back a week later begging for me back. I was the issue to be dissected, but what really strikes me is that he never asked a single question why she had broken things off. It was like a tag team and me under a lamp being asked why I didn't want to get married after a very public and embarrassing break up that was 6 months before the wedding. Even worse, the things that had broken us apart: future of kids, location to live, and how you want to live your lives, were all easily swept aside with a simple, "I thought long and hard for one week and now I want to have all of those things with you because you are the best." Needless to say, the counseling was more directed at my doubts that we should be married.
So we got back together, lived in like 7 months of bliss, and then everything went right back to the original things that had pulled us apart. This all made me feel like she had been more interested in the production and saving of face rather than me. She has her thoughts, and they will never be clear to me, but that is that. We are divorced and my life is on a new track.
